=( My dog is misbehaving.... Really badly...?

Dogs are all about two things instinct, and how they are in the "pack". Let me explain, instinct is obvious, but they see you as a pack. (I don't know how many people are in the house, but I'll ume it's just you since you didn't mention anyone else) He sees you as the alpha-male. And you have to make him remember it. To get my dogs to sit, I petted them, and made sure it was obvious I was happy when they sat, and they remember, because I am the alpha male. If they do things to make me happy (obey me) the alpha male is happy, and doesn't have a problem. And when the alpha-male does have a problem, its bad (lions fighting over a female lioness, etc.)